October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Oct. 15th specifically is PIL Remembrance Day. (The banner above is from the official site for Remembering Our Babies).
Today is an Angel Day for me. October 21, 2006, was the due date for my Lily, who I lost early at 8 weeks. She would have been 4 today. Earlier that same year, May 17th, 2006, was the due date for my Conor, who I lost at 6 weeks. He would have been 4 this year as well. My two losses were five months apart, and they were between my two happy and healthy baby girls. I had no problems with Tootsie Roll's pregnancy. After my miscarriages, I was put on meds to help ensure that Curly Jones' pregnancy would make it to term. The doctors told me that they usually don't treat anyone until they've had three miscarriages. I pretty much didn't accept taking my chances on a third. They drew 21 vials of blood to do testing and found very little in terms of cause, but they put me on Metformin (which is an insulin regulator, they thought I maybe had PCOS) and progesterone. Curly Jones' pregnancy was healthy and uneventful, thankfully.
Miscarriages have a strange stigma. People don't talk about them much but they are something that many of us have gone through. Even early ones like mine are completely devastating, and you need to grieve. After I took a few days off with my first one, I returned to work and my principal at the time (a woman) said to me, "It happens to lots of us. Get over it." There are a lot of wrong things to say to a grieving mom. This is one. Also wrong is for the OB's receptionist to be telling you jokes as she schedules your d&c.
I have grieved and I have some remembrances for both of my losses. Today, I remember Lily and Conor both, and I send a prayer out to any of you who have experienced loss. There is a lot of support out there. If you are trying to support someone who has experienced loss, please reach out to them. You don't have to say anything but you're sorry and you're there if they want to talk. It means the world, since so many people say nothing because they don't want to say the wrong thing.
“Every single day in the US, 2,000 women lose a baby to pregnancy/infant loss. That’s 700,000 a year, a third of every female in this country. So why does no one talk about it?
In honor of October 15th, National Pregnancy/Infant Loss Remembrance Day, we are opening up the conversation. We are “putting a face” on miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. We are sharing our faces, and declaring to the world, “I am not ashamed to talk about my baby.”
The goal of the I AM THE FACE campaign is simple: to spread awareness of pregnancy/infant loss, and raise support for those who are affected by it. With your help, we will raise $2,000 for the 2,000 women who experience the loss of a child every day. $2,000 for 2,000 faces.
I have gotten some very lovely and tasteful remembrance jewelry at My Forever Child.
Love to Conor and Lily and all Angel Babies today and always.
Happy New Jersey teacher, wife, and mom of two spunky girls. Teaching for 17 years (all first grade!), still loving it and still learning! I am caffeinated and chocolated. I like pink. And owls. And books!!!